He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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