that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
