Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
