This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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