I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this beer tastes like vomit already
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
