Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i drank out of a bidet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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