who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
