Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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