There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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