addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
