I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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