R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
