Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
