Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
