she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
