wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
