You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
