I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Farmville is her only friend.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
