Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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