i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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