Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
