So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
