I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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