Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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