Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
