i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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