That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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