he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
