Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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