I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
