If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
