Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your cock deserves a montage
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
