Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
