i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
