He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
