She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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