You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
