hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was like having sex with a tree stump
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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