oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
