McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
