you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
