dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
