Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
