Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
