oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
