It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
