we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
