If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
