I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
