Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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