I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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